Last January I joined TheFilmYap.com. As the new guy I often was the one assigned to the worst flicks out there. So throughout 2010 I saw a lot more movies that I wouldn’t have wanted to see and I regret all of them. (Except for Step Up 3D. That’s not as bad as you would think.) Of all of the bad films of 2010—and there were a lot of them—these are the Top Ten worst ones. Don’t see these. Seriously.
#10 – Alice in Wonderland
This is one of the highest grossest films of all time. Yet does anybody actually lke this movie? The idea of having this be a sorta sequel to the original tale is an exciting one, but none of that is ever explored. Tim Burton’s laziness ruined the madness of Wonderland (Or Underland?) by taking away all of the unpredictable nature to the universe. Instead this becomes an incredibly simple story of a hero fighting a dragon where none of the characters really play a part or add any fun to this joyless ride.
#9 – Devil
M. Night Shyamalan has become a punchline, deservingly so. He only has the “story by” credit on this film, but his fingerprints are all over it. Stereotypical characters, horrible dialog, a plot that doesn’t make sense, and lame “scares.” The premise sounds like it could be a fun single room adventure. Five people are in an elevator, one is the devil. Seems like a lame plan by the master of all evil, but whatever. Unfortunately most of the movie takes place outside of the elevator with idiotic subplots, illogical plot directions, and the funniest supernatural defense I’ve ever seen. To prove the devil is on earth, a security guard flips a piece of bread and then exclaiming that it landed jelly side up! Everything’s backwards so of course the devil is here. Of course.
#8 – Legion
Devil has a lot of plotholes. Not even that film compares to Legion which makes pretty much no sense. So Paul Bettany is an angel who quits and then goes down to Earth to fight God because He’s about to destroy mankind. Yet God gave himself a backup plan? There’s a John Conner-esque kid who, if born, will save humanity. So everybody is racing to the pregnant mother. The whole world turns into angel demons, I guess, except for this diner because…I don’t know. Insanely dumb and the idea of angels fighting each other with sharp wings can’t even save this. Even if Martin Keamy is a bad angel.
#7 – My Soul to Take
Last horror film on the list, I promise. This one is just confusing because clearly this was made. Someone (Wes Craven) wrote this and then someone (Wes Craven again) directed this and this was released. I can’t figure out how any of that happened. It’s about a group of kids who were all born on the same day that a serial killer maybe died so maybe his soul is in one of them. Or something. The movie is very stupid and goes into new degrees of bizarrely stupid. It’s hard to tell if Craven is making fun of high school life or he really does think this is what it’s like. This is a sad embarrassment from someone who used to be considered a master of the genre.
#6 – Flipped
Speaking of someone who used to be the master. What happened to Rob Reiner? Why did his make this empty rip-off of When Harry Met Sally. Two young kids experience first love after hating each other, of course. It’s a very standard story but the irritating gimmick is that we get to hear both sides of their stories. So seeing a mediocre scene for a second time with a new narration gets old really fast. Especially when there is no new information considering it’s very obvious what each of the characters are feeling at any given moment. It no longer becomes sweet, but unbearable.
#5 – Charlie St. Cloud
This film is incredibly weird as well as very annoying. Charlie St. Cloud is the greatest human being of all time. He is perfect at sailing, being a brother, being a son, being an artist, cooking, and even mourning. When his brother dies in a car accident that really wasn’t his fault, his brother’s ghost appears in the park every day to play catch with him. (Oh he’s perfect at baseball too.) So every day for the next five years he plays a game of catch with his dead brother. Once he starts to find love, things become complicated. Especially because the plot goes headfirst into crazy pond.
#4 – I’m Still Here
Now we’re into the four films I just HATE. This is the fake documentary from Casey Afleck where Joaquin Pheonix decided to act like a crazy person for a year. It’s an experiment without knowing what it is experimenting with. There is no thesis or interest in anything they’re doing. It’s just empty pretentious stupidity on display while pretending to be art. There isn’t even any humor to get out of the movie because it isn’t even working on a Borat level. This is a complete pathetic disaster.
#3 –- The Virginity Hit
Raunchy comedies can be a lot of fun, but this one seems to be determined to destroy the genre because of how terrible this is. Four friends decide to take a special bong hit whenever they lose their virginity. Three of them eventually do the deed, but one hasn’t done it yet. So they are determined to make that happen. That’s a fine (if incredibly overdone) premise, but the movie is entirely shot on one of the character’s camera. He films every moment of his life, but unlike movies like Cloverfield or The Last Exorcism this just gets really creepy. Those were filming an incredible experience that should be remembered. Zack is just obsessed with filming his step-brother’s physical interactions. Gross, vile and worst of all, not funny.
#2 – Grown Ups
This is one of the worst things ever. It’s really unfair to call this a movie because that implies that thought went into it. This is really just a very thin excuse for Adam Sandler to hang out with Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade, and Rob Schneider. They all riff on each other over their one wacky character trait but none of their jokes work. They’re beyond lame and continue for the entire movie. The movie only takes a break from these Leno-esque jokes to make Sandler look like the greatest person of all time as he wins the big game. There is nothing good about this movie. But if this is one of the worst things ever, why isn’t it number 1?
#1 – The Last Airbender
Because at least Grown Ups knew how to pronounce the main character’s name! What the flippity flip happened here? Shyamalan had a season of rich characters and plot at his disposal and he wrote…this. It’s like he has no idea how to even make a movie. There is a long scrolling title card opening that is read aloud to us. Then there is plenty of narration that doesn’t work. The main character never even learns his friends’ names! If you hadn’t already seen the show you would think this is an incomprehensible mess…and you would be completely right.
Dishonorable Mentions (In order of worst to slightly less worse)
Paranormal Activity 2
The Extra Man
Faster
The Losers
Conviction
Valentine’s Day
From Paris With Love
Our Family Wedding
Tooth Fairy
Eat Pray Love
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Killers
Alpha and Omega
Country Strong
The Expendables
The Tourist
TRON: Legacy
Death at a Funeral
Nanny McPhee Returns
When in Rome
No comments:
Post a Comment