Friday, January 21, 2011

Film Yap: The Virginity Hit

The Virginity Hit is exactly like Superbad with the plot of American Pie. The only thing it’s missing is the humor, wit, characters, plot development, relevance, worthy performances, and any sort of grasp on the reality of high schoolers.

This movie fundamentally fails on every level. Even the premise is just gross. Four friends decide to smoke out of a specialized bong whenever one of them loses their virginity. One by one they all do the deed except for Matt. Led by his intolerably obnoxious step-brother Zack, they obsess to help Matt.

Now Zack records every single moment of his life. This isn’t some stupid commentary about the YouTube generation. It’s just a poor gimmick that makes this overdone story even worse. Yes teenagers talk about sex, but these morons only talk about sex in bizarre detail. Zack seems to have devoted his entire existence to recording the physical nature of Matt and the worst part is, it isn’t funny.

The rest of this world seems okay with this as well. Zack knows everybody’s favorite porn star and will even give Matt a used pair of panties at a family birthday party. That’s not really a punchline…it’s just working hard to make these characters even more unlikable. The amount of work Zack goes into to film Matt having sex is not an look on voyeurism but more of wondering why any of these people hang out with each other.

There is nothing new added to this story. They even go out of their way to include another genital shaving scene. The few times they try to have a new joke or concept, the execution takes forever and it never really adds up to the plot at all.

This is a horrible movie on every front. It’s hard to believe these are the same credited screenwriters as The Last Exorcism, which used the handheld method in a clever way. Then again it seems like they just let these actors improvise with horrible results. The format is supposed to allow things to be more “natural” but instead everything feels more stilted than the American Pie franchise is ripping off. (This is impressive because those four have so little chemistry, I always assumed they filmed their scenes separately and then edited together.) Maybe just once or twice, there can be overlapping dialog besides “Ooohhhhh” and “What happened?!?”

The DVD extras include Zack’s audition, which doesn’t explain why he was hired. There is the line-o-rama, which is usually there to show all of the unused funny lines. This one just showed even worse lines. (Or lines that didn’t even make sense.) Then there’s a commentary track and a screen test which featured the hysterical Carlo Gallo, who wasn’t in the film. Smart girl. Also there is a very uncomfortable segment about how the girl who plays Nicole is still living in New Jersey and she seems really embarrassed she made this film. Gold!

Film: 0 Yaps

Extras: 1 Yap

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